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  He shakes his head. “Lana, it’s not for me to tell. If he wants you to know, you’re going to have to ask him.”

  “Holden,” I reach out and grasp his hand in mine, “we’ve talked on and off for years. You never told me anything like this. Why wouldn’t you? How could you keep this from me?” He pulls his hand out of mine and takes a small step back. I see worry written all over his face. What is he so afraid of? The hairs on my arms stand at attention, and I can feel him behind me.

  “Because it’s not his place to tell. If I wanted you to know it, I would have told you,” Tristian says as a shiver runs down my spine. I didn’t even hear the truck pull up, but I knew he was there. I always seem to know.

  I spin to look at him, hurt displayed across my face. “Why? Why wouldn’t you tell me that? Why would you just disappear on me instead?” I swallow past the lump in my throat. My chin quivers, and I lock my jaw to keep it still and wipe away the tears forming. He doesn’t get the satisfaction of my tears anymore. I spent too many nights crying over him.

  “Because I did what I thought was going to be best for both of us. Because I didn’t want you to get hurt or stop your life for me. I saw how much you had fallen for me, and I didn’t want to stand in the way of your life and dreams.” He takes a step closer, and I take one back.

  “No! You don’t get to decide that. I tried for months to get you to respond to me. I cried for months over you,” I yell. “Hell, my parents thought someone had died with the way I was letting on. They sent me to a fucking counselor, hoping it would help.” I cross my arms defensively over my chest and hug my body. I glance around and see people staring at us. I lower my voice. “Do you have any idea how crazy I felt for pining for you for so long?”

  “I know, and it killed me. I know everything.” His voice is deep and quiet, and it makes me want to punch him and kiss him all at the same time. “I saw every fucking message you ever sent me over the years. I know how much I hurt you, and it killed me.”

  My face is red, my blood boiling. I’m drowning in the amount of anger I have pent up inside. I can’t hold it back anymore and explode on him. “It killed you? You took my fucking virginity and tossed me out like old trash. You left me a fucking note. Didn’t even have the balls to tell me to fuck off in person,” I scream. Now, everyone is really staring at us. Kasey covers Maddie’s ears, and a few people walk as far away from us as they can. Great, now I’m making a scene. This is the last thing I wanted.

  He scoffs and shakes his head and sneers at me. I see a mixture of hurt and anger circling in the blue depths of his eyes. “No. You’re not blaming me for that. I tried to talk you out of it, wanted you to save it for someone special.”

  I toss my hands up and poke the tip of my tongue against my top teeth. I can’t believe the nerve of this guy. He has no fucking clue. “You were someone special! You’re just too thick-headed to realize it. One too many footballs to the head.” I knock my index finger against the side of my head, driving home my point. “I did like you, Tristan. You were sweet and caring, and you knew what you wanted.” I step into his space, my chest practically touching his as I tilt my face back to stare into his eyes. “I always knew I had to go back home, but I wanted to share a special memory with you. Instead, you made me regret the day I ever laid eyes on you.”

  His nostrils flare, and his pupils are huge, the blue almost completely covered by black. I’ve never seen him so angry in my life. He grips my upper arms with such force his fingers bite into my skin. I have enough time to blink once before his lips are pressed hard against mine. Oh my God. His kisses are even better than I remember.

  I don’t want this to end. I grip his shirt in my hand, pulling him closer to me. I feel his hard muscles flex as he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer. Parting my lips, he takes everything I offer. My body is on fire as I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. He’s like a cool drink of water, and I’m in the desert.

  He pulls back, and I gasp. My eyes widen as I stumble away from him, and my fingers fly up to my kiss-swollen lips. That was not supposed to happen. I’m not supposed to let him get close to me. I have a job to do. That’s it. Then I can return home and forget this place for good. I shake my head, trying to get my brain to work again, and run in the direction of the woods. I need some distance. I can’t think straight when I’m close to him.

  “Lana, wait,” he calls after me.

  I can’t. My feet have a mind of their own. I can’t get pulled into him again. I won’t survive the heartache a second time. I’m only in town for two more days—just enough time to finalize the designs for the cabins. I stop mid-run and hear his footfalls slow behind me. I take a deep breath, trying to slow my heart. “Who was it?” I whisper. I can’t bring myself to turn to face him, but I know he heard me.

  He gives a heavy sigh. “Russ.”

  Now, there’s a surprise. I whip around and narrow my eyes at him. “You’re lying.” I scoff and shake my head. “I know you never liked the guy, but Jesus, using him as a scapegoat? Real mature, Tristan.”

  He holds his hands out, palms up. “I’m not lying, Lana. I wouldn’t do that to you.” He closes his eyes and squeezes the bridge of his nose before looking at me again. His blue eyes have softened, and it’s hard for me to want to stay mad at him. “I should have told you, but I didn’t want you to think exactly what you’re thinking now. I knew, if I told you that, you would think I was lying because I don’t like the guy. Can we please head back to the ranch, and we can sit and talk about this?”

  “You saw every one of my messages to you?” I keep my voice low, trying to keep the tremble out of it. The mention of Russ is momentarily forgotten.

  “Yes,” he says and nods.

  “Yet, you still let me suffer alone.” He winces as my words sink it. “You led me to believe I wasn’t good enough for you. That I wasn’t pretty enough.” I raise my voice, my anger returning. My body shakes with the adrenaline coursing through my veins. “You could have told me instead of taking the chump’s way out.”

  All the nights I spent crying over him. All the days I spent trying to get him to talk to me. If he had told me this, I would have understood. We could have moved past it. “What threat did he make?”

  He steps up to me, and I hold my ground. I will not run from this man again. He’s not worth the energy.

  “I didn’t tell you because I knew you were becoming friends with him. I sat outside your room for most of the night after you ran from me at the dance. He told me to leave you alone, and when I refused, he used the only leverage he had against me—our relationship. I was naive and stupid to think he could do anything with his threats, but I didn’t want to risk it.

  “I was going to tell you I would wait for you, that we could do the long-distance thing, but he threatened to expose us. I didn’t want to put you in that position. Things seemed rocky with you and your dad anyway. I don’t know. I was stupid, insecure. I thought it was best to let you go.” He reaches for my hands, and I pull them from his grasp. He sighs heavily and nods. “It killed me to let you go, Lana. The way I felt with you is different than I’ve ever felt with anyone.”

  “How?” He pulls his eyebrows together at my question. “How was I different?” He’s not getting off that easy. I’m not ready to forgive him yet.

  “It was like you and I were the only two people in the world. My heart would skip a beat when I saw you. For months after you left, the thought of your lips anywhere close to me was enough to make me hard and need to jack off. Right after you left, I almost bought a flight to Connecticut to find you.”

  Now, that tidbit has caught my interest. How different would it have been if he’d come to find me? Would we have made up? Would Mom and Dad have let me see him, or would they have sent him away? Mom would have helped me. It wouldn’t have been hard to find me. Dad would have had to give his address when he booked.

  I stare at him, not sure I understand him. I wait patiently for him to continue, an
d when he doesn’t, I say, “So, what happened?”

  “Call me chicken shit if you want, but I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me after everything that happened.”

  “How long have you known I’ve been talking to Holden?” I’m trying to hold on to the anger I have for him, but it’s fading fast.

  “I found out today.”

  “Tell me what Russ said to you.”

  We walk back to the waiting truck as he recounts the night he left me alone. How Russ threatened to expose him, not only to my parents but to his as well. He told me how he didn’t want to risk either of us getting in trouble, and he didn’t want to make matters worse. The more he tells me, the more his shoulders hunch. Talking about this is taking a toll on him.

  “I knew you were getting close to Russ, and I didn’t want you to think I was saying shit just to say shit. I wanted you to make up your own mind about him, and I hoped, one day, we would be able to talk again. When I was ready, you had already blocked me, and I had no way to get in touch with you.

  He takes a deep breath and looks at his feet in shame. “I got to see every desperate message you sent to me, begging me to answer you. It broke my heart, knowing I did that to you—caused you pain.”

  When we get back, Kasey and Maddie have filed into the truck, and I hop in, sitting across from them. I think about everything Tristan just unloaded on me. As the truck jerks forward and I’m jostled in the back, I can’t help but think of what could have been if he would have just talked to me.

  Would we have crashed and burned? Maybe. But things also could have worked out for us. All I know is there has never been another man who has made me feel anything like what Tristan makes me feel. And that thought scares me.

  Chapter 6

  Tristan

  I give Kasey a hug and swoop Maddie up into my arms, blowing a raspberry on her cheek. She giggles and wiggles around. “Be good for your mom, peanut.” I place her on her feet, and she reaches her tiny fingers up for Kasey’s.

  “She’ll come around. Give her some space and keep trying,” Kasey says as she walks back to her car with Maddie in tow.

  Lana took off toward her cabin the moment I dropped the hatch and she could scramble out. I know she needs some space right now, and I want to give it to her, but she’s also here for a job. I need to see her designs. I’m a selfish asshole and can use that as my excuse to make her talk to me. I push my fingers through my hair and huff out a breath.

  I lock eyes with Holden and hold back a snarl. I want to yell at him; he deserves it. I’m still pissed he didn’t tell me he’s been talking to her all these years. If I had known, I could have found a way back into her life. I could have filled the void long ago, which seems to have dissipated since her return.

  I can’t leave things like this between Lana and me. I take off in the direction of her cabin and stop just outside her door, catching my breath. I all but ran here. I take a deep breath, steadying my nerves, and raise my hand, knocking hard on the door. In the short time it took me to get here, I figured out everything I want to say to her. I knock again when she doesn’t answer, my patience wearing thin.

  The wait is killing me, and when she doesn’t answer after a third time, I use my key and unlock the door. I hear the shower running from the other room, and I know I should turn around and leave, but I can’t bring myself to do it. The thought of her naked, just a few feet away from me, has my dick getting hard. I’m going to have a serious case of blue balls by the time she leaves.

  I’ve had dreams on and off for the past ten years about her body. She was hot back then, but I’ve seen the hug of her jeans on her hips now, and she’s a knock-out. Think nineteen-fifties pin-up but with more modern clothes. She’s got curves to spare, and I want to run my fingers over every inch of them.

  Before I know what I’m doing, I stomp to the back of the cabin and push the bathroom door open. A wall of steam smacks me in the face, and I can see her silhouette behind the curtain. She pops her head around the corner and glares at me.

  “Do you make it a habit of breaking into your patrons’ rooms while they’re showering?” She glances down between my legs and cocks her eyebrow at me.

  I feel exposed under her gaze. I glide my hand over my aching cock, covering it from her view, and clear my throat. “I knocked, and you didn’t answer.”

  She turns the water off and pushes open the curtain, her naked form in front of me, standing tall like a Greek goddess. She has no shame, except for the tint of red I see staining her cheeks. I’m not sure if it’s from the temperature of the water, or if it’s because I’m here. When she licks her lips, I have my answer. She’s teasing me, and when I groan and close my eyes, shielding her perfect form from view, a soft groan passes her perfect lips. My cock jumps in my pants and pushes painfully against the zipper, trying to get to her. It remembers what it was like nestled between her legs, how warm and inviting her body was. I open them again to stare at her beauty.

  She steps out of the shower and motions to the towel behind me. “Mind if I have my towel?”

  I’m too stunned, looking at her naked form, to react. I know she asked me to get the damn towel, but I don’t want her to cover up. When I don’t move, she reaches around me, the swell of her breast grazing my bicep, and wraps the towel around her generous curves. My mouth finally catches up with my mind.

  “Yes, I do mind.” I grab the back of her neck, pulling her flush against me. She puts her hands on my chest, and I know she feels my heart beating wildly. How could she not? It feels like it’s trying to jump out of my chest. She slides her hands down my body, and when she reaches my clothed cock, she rubs it. I press my needy lips to hers and swallow her moans of delight.

  It’s like she never left, like we are picking up right where we left off all those years ago. Just a couple of horny teenagers hoping for some fun before we get caught. She opens her mouth, inviting me to delve deeper. I rip the towel from her body and roll her nipple between my thumb and forefinger. I’m rewarded with a gasp of surprise and a thrust of her hips. She gasps and grabs my ass, pulling me flush against hers as she grinds into me.

  “That’s right, baby. I’ve got you. I promise.”

  Her body tenses, and she pushes me back, wiping her mouth of my kisses. Fuck. As soon as the words left my lips, I knew they wouldn’t go over well. She grabs her towel from the floor and hurriedly wraps it around herself. The spell between us is broken, shattered. If I’d just kept my fucking mouth shut, I’d still be kissing her tender lips.

  “Shit, Lana.” I try to reach for her, and she turns her body out so I can’t.

  “Wait for me in the living room. We can go over the design ideas I’ve come up with. I assume that’s why you’re here.”

  With no room for discussion, I drop my head and do as she asks. I close the door quietly behind me and sit on the couch with my head in my hands. I’m fucking this up at every turn. I’m at a loss on how to act around her. One minute, things felt how they should between us. She was letting her guard down. I could sense the shift. The next, I’m back at square one with her. She’s put the walls back up, making it hard for me to tear them down. Fuck that. I will fight for as long as I have to, until she lets me back in.

  She sits next to me, pulling her feet up under her. She’s wearing a loose top that falls off one shoulder and a pair of shorts. I glance at the exposed skin on her shoulder and notice she’s not wearing a bra. It would be so easy to push her down onto her back and pick up where we left off. I let my mind wander as she pulls out her sketchbook.

  “I have a few ideas for this place, but I need your approval before I can send it to the main office.”

  She flips the book open to a page showing one of her designs. She starts pointing out her different ideas, including changing the set-up of the current cabins. She suggests taking out the dining table and the small kitchen area and expanding the living room. This includes new furniture and window treatments. One of her ideas includes adding more
windows to the current cabins, but that’s not going to work, so I nix the idea.

  “You want something simple, so guests feel like they are still outside in nature, even when they are under a roof. Guests choose this ranch because they want the cowboy experience. Give that to them every chance you get. Those pictures you sell in the gift shop of the horses and field? Why not blow some of them up and add them to the walls.”

  She’s so animated, I don’t want her to stop, but I also know that revamping all the cabins is too costly. I won’t be able to do it right now. “How about we focus on the new cabins for now? I like some of these ideas, and I think they would work well in the new designs.”

  She sighs and pulls the sketchpad to her chest. “Tristan, I think you would be making a huge mistake to take the all-inclusive part out of staying here for some guests. That’s what made it seem so special—at least, I thought so.”

  I narrow my eyes and purse my lips. “How so?”

  She shrugs and shakes her head, taking a minute to figure out what she wants to say. “It felt like one big family. I knew I was just here for two weeks, and then I was going back to my real life, but everyone was so nice and welcoming. Every time your mom or dad saw me, they would call me by my name. There aren’t many places where that happens.

  “If you have guests here for only a day or two at a time, they won’t get the same experience. They’re going to be a number. Those people are just as happy to stay in town for less money than they would be to stay here. They don’t care. When people choose Black Stallion Ranch, they choose it because they want a once in a lifetime experience.”

  I hear that same sentiment from guests from time to time, but I’ve also heard from day visitors who have said they would love to stay at a place like this for a few nights as they travel around the state. I figured I could combine the two.