Enamored Read online

  Maybe I don’t want to give up my entire life for him and this baby. I like my life just the way it is. I don’t need this baby messing anything up. Tristan and I are already struggling to make things work; adding a baby into the mix seems like a disaster.

  I place my hands over my stomach and rub. It’s crazy to think there is a little baby growing inside me. I’d never know except for my boobs hurt like a bitch, and I alternate between starving and being sick. I haven’t told my parents yet because I want bloodwork to prove it. Although, after some online research, there is no way to get a false positive. It just doesn’t happen.

  As soon as I get back home, I’m getting the bloodwork to prove it.

  I’ve been staring at a wall since the nurse from my doctor’s office called to congratulate me on my upcoming baby. I have to call my OB and make an appointment, but I can’t drag myself to do it. I would never abort, and this baby will be loved and cherished, even if his or her dad isn’t in the picture. I can’t imagine Tristan not being part of their lives, but since it’s been a week since he’s talked with me, I have to assume he doesn’t want me.

  Since he won’t answer any of my calls, Eloise had to call and try to speak with him. He wouldn’t answer her call either, so I had to call Steve for an update. Seems they have run into a little bout of trouble with some pipes where the foundation is supposed to go, but it shouldn’t take them too long to correct it.

  I just want to drink. I do the next best thing and pull a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food from my freezer. I dig in while watching a cheesy romantic comedy. Except what should be funny is actually sad and depressing. I spend the rest of my evening crying as I stuff my face. I look down at my phone when it lights up, and Holden’s name comes up.

  “What?” I answer, my mouth full of ice cream.

  “What happened between you and Tristan?”

  He’s going to try to blame this on me? I go on the defense, my shoulders rising to my ears as I put the ice cream down on the counter with a little too much force. The spoon jumps out of the container and lands on the carpet. “What did I do?” I scoff. “Ask your buddy. I didn’t do a damned thing. He’s the one who won’t answer my calls or texts.”

  “When I asked, he said to ask you because you’re the one with all the secrets.”

  I throw my hands up. “What the fuck is he talking about? He’s the one who’s being secretive. I’ve tried to talk to him. I’ve tried to figure out what I possibly did now that he won’t talk to me.”

  I hear rustling on the other end of the phone, and Tristan’s voice comes on. “You didn’t tell me you were pregnant. That’s what you did wrong,” he yells into the phone.

  Everything comes to a stop. I take a deep breath in, but I have to fight to release it. My hands shake, and the television goes silent. All I can hear is his steady breathing on the other end of the line.

  “How’d you know?” I whisper.

  “Whose is it?” he asks, venom dripping from his words. His speech is slurred.

  Did he seriously just ask me that? The tears fall down my cheeks as I take in a breath to be able to answer him. I open my mouth and close it twice before I’m able to squeak a response past my dry throat. “You seriously think it’s anyone but yours?” I guess I really am doing this alone. I straighten my spine and wipe my tears. I’m pissed. “Go to hell, Tristan. I don’t want you to have any part of this baby’s life. For all he or she will know, you were an anonymous sperm donor. Don’t call, don’t check in on me. We’ll be just fine without you.”

  I hang up the phone. The hurt at his words cuts deep. I feel raw, lifeless after our brief conversation. The noise from the TV slowly comes back, and the red haze around my vision dissipates as my body relaxes again.

  “Looks like it’s just you and me, kid,” I say. My phone rings, and I don’t have to look at it to know it’s Tristan. I answer. “Call me again, and I’ll put a restraining order against you.”

  “You can’t keep my kid away from me.” He seems to have sobered up real fast.

  “It’s a good thing you live so far away. Lose my number, asshole.”

  I toss the nearly empty container of ice cream in the trash and clean up the mess on my carpet before I take a shower and climb into bed. I leave my phone in the living room. I’m afraid if I take it to the bedroom with me, I’ll answer his calls. I know Tristan enough to know he won’t stop, especially now the cat is out of the bag.

  We’ve had enough conversations, so I know he wants kids and a family. He wants the whole package, but he hasn’t learned to pull his head out of his ass. I can’t believe he is pulling this shit on me. Didn’t he learn from his past mistakes to trust me? Why is it that I’m the one he always doubts?

  Tristan tries to get a hold of me at the office no less than three times. I make Hannah send him to my voicemail each time. I’ll call him back when I’ve had time to cool my head. I made sure his call wasn’t urgent by contacting Steve and talking with him for a few minutes. Eloise seems to be butting her head into this project more than usual, and it’s really starting to irritate me.

  Of course, that could also be the raging amount of hormones coursing through my body. My boobs hurt, my back hurts, and I just want to sleep. This baby is sucking everything out of me. And the worst part is my parents haven’t seen me in a while, so I agreed to show up for dinner this weekend. I need someone else in my court, and I know my parents will support me through anything.

  I walk through their front door and call out a greeting. Mom shouts back that she’s in the kitchen. I climb the stairs to my old bedroom and drop my overnight bag off. It takes me a few hours to get to my childhood home from Boston, and it’s easier to stay the night when I come.

  I walk into the kitchen and see Mom cooking up a storm. We give each other a hug, and she kisses my cheek, instantly making me feel better.

  “What’s wrong, pumpkin? You seem stressed.”

  Yeah, you could say that. “Where’s Dad? I have something I want to tell both of you.”

  She puts the spatula down and slowly turns to me. “Is this good news or bad news?”

  I shrug. “I guess that depends on who you are.”

  Dad’s ears must have been ringing because he walks into the room a minute later. Although, he always has had pretty perfect timing. They sit at the table with me, and I tell them my story from the beginning. And when I say beginning, I mean, I go way back. I tell them about our vacation, and how I fell in love with Tristan—even back then. I skirt over the part about him taking my virginity because that’s not something they need to know.

  So, when I bring up what’s been going on recently, and how I got hired for the remodel, there’s no shock when I explain how we have been trying to make things work again. The shock comes when I tell them I’m almost two months pregnant with his child.

  “Does he know?” Mom asks.

  I nod. “Yeah, he knows,” I answer solemnly. I push a disbelieving snort through my nose. “He actually asked me whose it is because I didn’t tell him. I hid the test. I was going to tell him once I confirmed everything with the doctor. I wanted to really be sure before I turned his life upside down, too.”

  They ask me a few more questions, and we talk a little longer. I feel better, and even feel a little bad for blowing up at Tristan like I did. I can only imagine what he felt like when he saw the test with no explanation. But he also asked if it was someone else’s like I’ve been sleeping around. He knows me better than that—or I thought he did.

  I haven’t heard from him since the blowout, and it’s not like his number is blocked. He just hasn’t reached out. Although, to be fair, I told him if he did, I’d put a restraining order against him, and I also told him to lose my number. I bite the bullet and open a text to him. I’m not ready to hear his husky voice, but I do need to talk to him.

  Me: Hey.

  Tristan: Hey. I’m glad you’re contacting me. Can we talk?

  I type a response, then delete it an
d try again. When the words don’t come out the way I expect them to, I give up and put my phone down for the night without responding to him.

  Chapter 20

  Tristan

  I’m going out of my mind. She messaged, and when I asked to talk, she didn’t respond. We need to figure stuff out. Are we going to have joint custody? Will she move out here? I refuse to not be part of my son or daughter’s life. Family is way too important to me to not have this—even if she doesn’t want me. She has a part of me growing inside her, though, and there’s nothing that will ever change that bond we share.

  I look at the clock. It’s past midnight there, and she’s probably sleeping by now. I resign myself to having to wait until the next morning to call her. I lie in bed and can’t get her out of my damn mind. Has she gone to any doctor’s appointments? I always pictured myself going to the ultrasounds, holding my wife’s hand, and letting this be something we experience together.

  I would never have thought it would be Lana. How fucked up is fate? It pushes us back together after all these years, just to pull us apart again. I’ve already made the grand gesture once and went to see her to amend things. I don’t want to be flying out to Boston every time I fuck up to fix things.

  Knowing myself, I might as well live out there. I’m always putting my foot in my mouth. Point in case. If I wasn’t drunk and hurt, I never would have asked her if the kid was mine. I knew from the moment I saw that test that no one else had touched her. I know she wouldn’t do that to me, especially when I know her views on relationships and cheating.

  If she won’t come to me, I’m going to have to go to her. I might as well get an airline credit card. I’m going to be a part of this baby’s life, even if I have to fly out every weekend to do it.

  My phone rings early the next morning, and I groan as I reach for it. Lana’s name flashes on the screen, and I sit straight up, sleep now forgotten.

  “Lana?”

  “Hey, Tristan.”

  I run my fingers through my hair as I try to shake the sleep from my voice. “I’m glad you called. I’m sorry I asked you that. I know the baby is mine; I just don’t know why you hid it from me.” She sighs. “Where are you right now?”

  “Lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Why?”

  I lie down on my back and stare at my darkened ceiling. “If I close my eyes and concentrate, it’s almost like you’re here.” I put my hand under my head and continue. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I wanted to make sure. I thought maybe the results were wrong or something. I didn’t want to scare you or force you into anything if it wasn’t even true. Then you wouldn’t take any of my calls, and I had no idea you knew about the test until you called me while drunk.”

  I scrunch my face. “Not one of my finest moments. I’m sorry for that. I didn’t understand how you could hide something so monumental from me.”

  “Yeah, well, imagine how I felt.”

  “Tell me how you felt, Lana.” The quiet request falls from my lips. I wait patiently as she gathers her thoughts.

  “Like my life was ending and beginning all at the same time. I’ve pictured a mini version of you running around so many times, but I didn’t think it would happen.” She laughs dryly. “I was afraid things would end like last time because we live so far away. Except now,” she hesitates, “well, now I guess they can’t, huh?”

  “No. They can’t. Fate brought you back into my life, and I’ll be damned if I sit by and do nothing to try to keep you in it. Have you had any doctor’s appointments yet? Any ultrasounds?”

  She takes in a shaky breath. “No.”

  “Please, don’t cry, Lana.” My heart breaks, knowing I’m not there to console her. To take away a fraction of the pain she feels.

  “I don’t want to do this alone, Tristan,” she whispers.

  The emotions she’s feeling hit me hard. I don’t want her to do it alone, either. I don’t want her to give up her life, family, and friends, but I can’t give up the ranch. It’s been in my family for generations, and my parents would kill me if I sold it to live in Boston.

  “I know, babe. We’ll figure it out. I’m going to come out for a little bit. I want to be there for you and the baby.”

  She sniffles. “Really? You’ll come out here?”

  How could I say no to her? “Of course, I will. Give me all the information, and we will work it out.”

  She continues to tell me about calling Beth right after she found out, and also telling her parents. I remember them being nice people, but her dad seemed overprotective. I’m surprised he didn’t lecture her or toss her out when she told them. Instead, she told me he gave her a big hug and told her things have a way of working out. God, I hope he’s right. Right now, I can’t seem to find the open door.

  We say our goodbyes, and I get ready for the day and to tell my parents how they are going to be grandparents sooner than we thought. I know Mom is going to be over the moon. She’s wanted me to give her a grandbaby since she got sick. I just don’t want to break her heart if she’s not able to see the baby as often as she would like.

  I wonder if I were to ask her to marry me, what would she say? I want her with me so bad it hurts. I don’t want to spend more time apart from her than I need to. Before heading over to the ranch, I want to stop at the jewelry store and price rings. I wonder if I made the grand gesture, and went out there with a ring and a promise, would she agree to be mine so we can do this right?

  My mind whirls with options and how we can make this work. I’m sure there’s a way I can keep the ranch running and find a new job out in Boston. I have my degree in business, and I’ve been running my own business for years now. I could do city life, right? I sigh heavily, thinking about my few days in the city. It was fun being with Lana, but the noise drove me insane. I wonder if she would be open to moving into more of the suburbs, a compromise of sorts?

  I never knew there were so many options when it comes to picking out a damned ring. Cut, carat, style, price, it’s almost overwhelming. The older man behind the counter approaches me to offer his assistance. I give him a general idea as to what I’m looking for and tell him a little bit about Lana, per his request. His smile is genuine as I talk about her and the things I love about her.

  He pulls out a few rings, and as soon as he shows me a round solitaire diamond set in white gold, I know that’s the one. It’s perfect. I can picture her wearing it and showing it off to friends and family. On a whim, I purchase it and tuck the box into my pocket for safekeeping. No one needs to know about this yet, not until I know she’s really willing to be mine forever.

  Except that’s not what happens. Holden is waiting for me with a big goofy grin on his face.

  “What are you smiling about?” I mutter as I push past him, my good mood slightly soured by his expression.

  “What were you doing in the ring shop this morning?”

  “What were you doing in town?” I counter.

  “Leaving a date’s house to come here. Don’t try to avoid my question.” He snickers when I snarl at him.

  “I want to do things right with Lana. We’ve done everything ass-backward. The one thing I can do right is this. She’s carrying my kid. I want to be with her, and what better way than to get hitched and tie her down?”

  He chuckles. “Didn’t know she was that kinky. Maybe I should have tried to hook up with her years ago.”

  “Watch it,” I warn.

  He puts his hands up in surrender and walks away, whistling to himself. Mom and Dad come outside, and I try to act nonchalant. Too bad my parents know me better than that. I pull them back into the house because this is not a conversation we need to have in front of guests.

  I sit them down at the breakfast nook and tell them Lana’s pregnant. I watch a whirlwind of emotions flash across both their faces. My dad settles into disbelief, and my mom’s eyes shine with unshed tears. I don’t have the heart to tell her Lana and the baby probably aren’t moving out here and th
at I’m most likely going to give up the ranch to be with her. Now isn’t the time. I want the two of them to enjoy this moment.

  “How far along is she?” Mom asks.

  “Early. About eight weeks is what she told me. Her first ultrasound is next week, so I am going to be there for it. I want to be there for her in whatever way she’ll let me.”

  Both my parents give me a hug, but Mom drags me away to her bedroom so we can have a private conversation.

  “I’ve always liked that girl, Tristan. She’s good for you. You’re different around her. I don’t care how this baby came to be; I just want you to do the right thing and ask her to marry you.” I try to tell her I’m already planning on it when she holds up her hand to stop me. “It doesn’t have to happen right away. I want to know you’re happy. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around, and I need to know you and your father are going to be taken care of.”

  “Mom, don’t talk like that. You’re on the mend. The doctors said things look good.”

  She offers me a smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I know what the doctors have said, but listen to what I’m telling you. I’ve been sick long enough to know the importance of finding what makes you happy. I know you’re happy here on the ranch, but it’s only half your life. You need someone to share it with.”

  She opens her jewelry box and hands me a small ring. The diamond isn’t as big as the one I bought Lana, but it isn’t any less beautiful. The design has a vintage flair to it, with the intricate design of the metal.

  “This was my grandmother’s, and I always hoped to have a child I could pass it down to. I want you to use this ring to ask Lana to be your wife.” She places it in my hand and closes my fingers around it. “Please, do this for me, Tristan.”

  I’m not sure what I can say, so I don’t say anything and just nod instead. I uncurl my fingers and hold the delicate ring between my thumb and forefinger, examining it. I thought the ring I bought today was perfect, but this one? This one is outstanding. It is Lana. It’s delicate, beautiful, and has just enough sparkle to not be overbearing.