Enamored Page 12

  The rest of the crew arrives, along with all the heavy machinery, and they get to work digging the hole for the foundation. There’s not a lot for me to do at this point, so after watching the men work for an hour or so, I take a walk around the property.

  Tristan and Holden are helping some of the guests, and Mr. Ellis is taking care of his wife. I should sit down to do some work, but my mind isn’t in it. Instead, I pull out a sketchbook and decorate a mock-up of Tristan’s apartment. It was so bare when I walked in last night; it almost made me sad. I’d love to be able to help him add a feminine touch to it.

  He finds me sitting by the water as I put the finishing touches on the living room, and he takes a seat next to me. He kisses my cheek and pulls the sketchpad from my lap to look at what I’m drawing.

  “What’s this?”

  “I wanted to redesign your apartment. Make it look more like a home. It feels so cold and unwelcoming there.” I pretend to shiver and smile at him.

  He stares at the drawing, tracing his finger over my design. “I love it,” he murmurs.

  I beam. “Really? You mean it?”

  He pulls me to him for a hard kiss. “Yes, really. I’d like it if you add a bit of you to the apartment. When can you start?”

  “We can go to the store and see if we can find some of the stuff I need, and then I will also look online and connect with some people I know.”

  Construction has been going on for almost two weeks now, and I’ve been working up a storm trying to get the rest of his apartment set up. A few pieces of artwork arrived today, so I took his truck back to the apartment to meet the delivery guy. He was kind enough to wait until I unboxed everything and took the trash out with him. He also got a huge tip for doing so, so he definitely wasn’t complaining.

  Tristan has been dealing with a lot, and I wanted to do something nice for him and cook dinner. These past few weeks have felt very domestic, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve enjoyed it. I walk up and down the grocery store aisles, picking up anything I might need to cook.

  When I reach the tampons, I freeze. When was the last time I had my period? I try to mentally do the calculations in my head as my heart races and my stomach flips. Has it really been six weeks? It must be off because of all the traveling, right?

  I reach a shaking hand up to the pregnancy tests and put a box in my cart. The happy, smiling woman on the box taunts me as I finish my shopping. Do I take it now? Do I wait until morning? I don’t think I’m going to be able to wait that long. Okay, Lana. Calm down. There’s nothing to worry about until I take the test.

  He won’t be home for another few hours, so I can take it without him knowing and will figure out what I’m going to do only if it comes out positive. I finish shopping, load up the truck, and get home as fast as I can. I put everything away and open the pink box.

  Easy. Pee on a stick. I can do this.

  I watch the initial line appear and close my eyes, too afraid to look. I’ll wait for the three-minute timer to go off. Until then, I’m not even sure it’s accurate. I jump when my phone’s timer rings and hurry to turn the annoying sound off. I hold my breath as I open my eyes and look.

  Two. Pink. Lines.

  My breath comes into my lungs in short, labored pants. I’m not even sure I’m getting oxygen in because I’m freaking out so bad. Oh my God! What the hell am I going to do? We can’t have a baby. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I dial Beth’s number.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” she answers.

  “Beth.” I pause to take a breath. “I’m pregnant.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” she screams into the phone. I have to pull it away from my ear so she doesn’t make me go deaf. “Lana, you’re kidding, right?”

  “Beth, what am I going to do?” The tears are streaming down my cheeks, and I sniffle, trying to rein everything in.

  “Is it Tristan’s?” I scoff. Did she seriously ask me that? “I just wanted to double-check,” she says when I don’t respond right away.

  “Yes. I haven’t slept with anyone else. I take my birth control, though. How is this possible?”

  “It happens. I’ve heard other stories of it, too. It’s going to be fine. Does he know yet?”

  I shake my head but then remember she can’t see me. “No. I just took it. He’s still at the ranch.”

  God, this explains so much now—the bloat, how tired I’ve been, how hungry I’ve been. It all lines up. How am I going to explain this to him? He’s not ready to have a family. Or is it me who’s not ready? I’m twenty-eight years old. I wanted to get my life and career nailed down before I settled down and started a family. My plan was to get married at thirty and have kids by thirty-two. Not now!

  I finish my phone call with Beth and promise to tell her what happens when I tell Tristan. I wipe the tears from my eyes and start researching everything about pregnancy. I have no idea what I’m doing or how to start this. I do know I’ll need to make an appointment with my doctor to get checked out.

  Do I find a doctor out here? My home is in Massachusetts, but Tristan is here. There’s no way he can leave his home and the ranch, but I don’t think I’m ready to uproot my life to move here. I like being an east coast girl. I like my friends, my job, my life. On the other hand, I love Tristan and his family, and I love this ranch. I’ve pictured a cute little boy who looks like Tristan on many occasions, running around the ranch, laughing.

  Tristan would be a good father, I know it. I’m just not ready to tell him yet. After England. That will be easier. I can do this. I hide the box of tests under the sink and bury the positive test in the trash.

  Chapter 18

  Tristan

  Construction is going great. My apartment also looks amazing—thanks to Lana’s personal touches— and Mom is doing much better. Everything is looking up, except for the fact that Lana is leaving for England and then Massachusetts today. I don’t want her to go. I’ve gotten used to having her here, so it’s difficult to let her leave.

  Having her here for two weeks isn’t enough. I wish I could ask her to move here forever, but we are still trying to figure us out. Would she want to? Could this ranch and the life I could give her be enough? She’s successful in Boston, and I don’t want to ask her to give it all up for me, even though my heart is begging me to.

  She rolls her suitcase behind her and into the living room. She looks around at the walls that are now brimming with life, and she smiles.

  “Not to toot my own horn, but damn!” she says and adds a quiet chuckle for good measure.

  I pull her into my arms and hold her tight. “Yeah, it looks amazing in here. Thank you.”

  She wiggles out of my grasp and nods. “You’re welcome. Now, I’ve got a plane to catch, and I need you to get me to the airport with plenty of time for my flight.”

  “I know,” I respond sadly. “I’m not ready to say goodbye. It’s going to be another five months before I see you again. What do you expect me to do with myself?”

  She smiles and places her hand on my cheek. I revel in the feel of her touch. “Things have a way of working out.” She kisses me hard on the lips and pulls back. “Come on. I’ve got to go.”

  We ride in silence, each of us consumed with our own thoughts. She keeps playing with the hem of her shirt and tucking hair behind her ear. Something is definitely eating at her, and I need to make sure she isn’t having second thoughts about trying to make a long-distance relationship work. We’ve talked about it on and off over the past two weeks, and she seems guarded whenever we discuss it. She says she’s open to it, but there seems to be something she’s not telling me.

  “Lana, is everything okay? You’re making me a bit nervous over here,” I ask, trying to keep my tone casual.

  She stops wringing her fingers and plasters a smile on her face. “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “You play with your shirt and your hair when you have something on your mind. You’ve done both this whole ride.”

/>   She waves her hands in front of her as we reach the curb. “Oh, I’m just worried about this project. I’m only gone for two days to see the final touches put into place and confirm she’s happy with what we’re doing for her. That’s not a lot of time to make changes if she’s not happy.”

  I narrow my eyes in her direction as I help her with her bag. “You sure that’s it?”

  She nods and hums her response before wrapping her arms around me in a big hug and kissing me. “Tristan, you love me, right?” she asks, uncertainty lacing her words.

  Where is all this coming from? “You know I do, Lana.”

  “Good. I love you, too, Tristan. I’ll text you when I land. It will be early morning for you.”

  She waves goodbye and is through the sliding glass doors before I can get another word out. Strangest damn conversation I’ve ever had. Holden calls me, asking to stop by the ranch for the night to help with the guests since it’s movie night, and I’m happy not to spend it alone in my apartment. At least, this way, I will be able to get my mind off Lana.

  The movie finishes by ten o’clock, and some of our guests are basically walking zombies at this point. The damn city slickers aren’t used to all this fresh air and outdoor activities. Throws people for a loop; they aren’t expecting to want to nap for half the day.

  We get everyone back safely, and I say good night to Mom and Dad then head home. I know she won’t be in England yet, but I miss her like crazy. How the hell can I miss someone so damn much? I pull up her Instagram account and scroll through the pictures she’s posted.

  There aren’t many with me, but there is one when I stayed with her in Boston that I adore. It’s the two of us by the Charles River. She said she wanted a selfie of us, and right before she took it, I kissed her hard on the cheek. She was laughing so hard, and I started blowing raspberries against her skin, just to keep hearing her laughter.

  I see pictures of her from college with friends, and even some with other guys. I scroll past those as fast as I can. I don’t need the reminder that she’s been with other people. If I didn’t fuck things up all those years ago, she could have been with me. Hell, we could be married with a family right now if that’s what she would have wanted.

  I would give that girl the world if it means I get to keep her. If it means she gets to come home to me every night and goes to sleep next to me. At this point, I’d even be willing to give up the ranch so we don’t have to spend it apart.

  Running my fingers through my hair, I tug the ends in frustration. This is so fucked up. I’ve never wanted anything but to run the damn ranch. To make people see how amazing it is—make them see it how I see it. I want her more than that, though. I know now there is no way my life will be complete without her in it. I feel like myself when she’s with me.

  I call Holden, and before he can even say hello, I state, “I can’t be without her for the next few months. What if she comes out here to finalize the plans, and that’s it? What if I can’t convince her to stay? What if she doesn’t love me as much as I love her? Holden, I went ten years without her, thinking I was happy, but I haven’t been. I’ve only been going through the motions.”

  “Dude, what the hell are you going on about? You know it’s almost midnight, right? I have company. I’ll talk to you tomorrow when you’re not drunk.”

  “I’m not—”

  The line goes dead before I can finish, and when I pull it away from my ear, the call ended screen flashes before turning dark again. I need to make some grand gesture to show her I’m serious about trying to make us work. I pull a notebook out and jot two ideas down before I yawn and want to close my eyes.

  Move to Massachusetts.

  Propose to Lana.

  Neither is doable yet, considering we’ve only been dating for a little over a month, and most of that has been long-distance. I toss my notebook to the other side of the couch and head to the bathroom to shower so I can get to bed.

  The bar of soap is almost gone, so I dig under the sink, looking for another bar. I grab a box and notice bright pink. Must be some tampons or something. I smirk, thinking she’s just embarrassed about having them around. She doesn’t have to hide them; it’s not that big of a deal.

  I pull the box out and stare at it for a solid minute before my mind registers what it is—an opened box of pregnancy tests. The front says there are two tests in the box, and when I look inside, one is missing. I sit on the toilet seat and stare at the box in confusion.

  Was she ever going to tell me? If she had a scare, I’d want to know so we could be more careful. It had to be negative, right? She didn’t want to scare me, so she took the test and tossed it because it was nothing to worry about. I look at the small trash can next to me, contemplating my next move.

  She wouldn’t have tossed it in here, would she?

  I lean over and dig through the tissues on top until I see an opaque pink plastic top. My hand shakes as I reach for it and pull it out of the trash.

  Two lines.

  I start to breathe heavily and push a shaking hand through my hair. I close my eyes, trying to calm my racing heart. Two lines means negative, right? No, that’s not right. One line is no; two lines is yes.

  Lana is fucking pregnant and hasn’t said a fucking word to me. She left here, flew to another country, carrying my child. My earlier tiredness is gone and has been replaced by full-on anger and adrenaline. I carry the life-changing stick into the bedroom and pace, trying to come up with a good excuse for her not to tell me. After pacing for a solid ten minutes, there’s not a single explanation in the world that makes enough sense.

  Is she not going to keep it? Is that why she didn’t want to tell me? Is she afraid I’ll get mad? Is it even mine? Fuck. This whole thing is so fucked up. I always imagined I’d be married for at least a year, have a nice house, and then be able to surprise Mom and Dad with the news that they are finally going to be grandparents.

  It’s almost two in the morning. I need to get a little bit of sleep if I’m going to be at the ranch in the morning. I take the fastest shower known to man and climb into bed in just my boxers. I place my hand under my head and take a deep breath.

  “What the hell are you thinking, Lana?” I ask to the empty room. I close my eyes and wait for sleep to take me under.

  Until I speak with Lana, I don’t want to tell anyone about this, especially Holden. I love him like a brother, but he’s got a big mouth at times, and I don’t want this to get back to my mom and dad. This day seems to be going on forever, though. Lana texted me when she landed, and I fought the urge to yell at her when I got it.

  She told me she would call later, but she won’t be able to stay on the phone for long. Her flight back to Massachusetts is tomorrow afternoon, and she told me she wanted to make sure Mrs. Carrington was happy before she left. I’ve been watching the time tick so slowly that at times I’ve thought it was moving backward.

  Finally, after dealing with the construction crew and the guests, the moment of truth has arrived. Will she come clean and confess, or will it be just another secret? I swipe the call to answer it.

  “Hi, Lana.”

  Chapter 19

  Lana

  “Tristan,” I breathe. “I’m so happy to hear your voice. I miss you so much.” Relief washes over me. I’ve been anxious all day, and hearing his voice settles me. When he doesn’t respond, I continue. “She loved it. She absolutely loved all my designs.” I can’t keep the smile from my face.

  “That’s great. I’m happy for you.”

  “Yes. She has a friend that works for a fashion magazine who wants to do a showcase piece on my remodel for her next issue. Smith and Quill Designs is going to be huge. They will probably have to open more offices in order to keep up!”

  I pace around my room, unable to contain my excitement. I’ve tried sitting and being calm, but I’m not able to. I want to dance and shout from the rooftops. I’m in England. Maybe I can pretend to be a chimney sweep like in Mary Poppins.
/>
  “Wow, that’s awesome,” he says. Except it doesn’t sound like it’s awesome. It sounds like something is seriously wrong.

  My mood changes instantly. “Tristan, what’s wrong?”

  He takes a deep breath and pushes it out. “Nothing. I’ve had a long day, and I barely slept last night. I had a lot on my mind.” He attempts to lighten his tone. “I’m happy for you.” The silence stretches between us before he says, “Anything else you want to tell me?”

  Do I? I mean, besides getting a positive pregnancy test, but I have no idea what I’m doing about that. I rub my still flat belly and look down at it. I still need to confirm the test was accurate. Maybe the tests were bad. “No,” I say, dragging the word out. “Not that I can think of.”

  “Okay,” he answers matter-of-factly. “I’ve got to go. Have a safe flight tomorrow.”

  That’s it? No, I’ll talk to you tomorrow? No, we will work on a long-distance relationship shit? He hangs up before I can respond, and I stare at my phone in disbelief until the screen goes dark. My mind runs in circles as I run through the conversation. He must be tired, the voice of reason pipes up. We’ve told one another we love each other, and I am trying to find a way for us to make things work. He knows that.

  What is he doing to make things work? That quiet voice of insecurity sneaks in, and now I’m contemplating what exactly he would be giving up. I’m the one who would have to move for him. I’m the one who would have to find a new job. I’m the one to leave friends and family if we are going to make this work.

  It’s me. I have to give up everything for him.